Lots of people discount domestic violence incidents because there are so many. I don’t understand this. If a man went around attacking and manhandling total strangers, people would be outraged.

But, for some reason, many people don’t think twice about when a man or woman routinely abuses their spouse or partner!

Before I came to work here about a decade ago, I used to do volunteer work for domestic violence groups in Kentucky. I have worked with the victims and I know what they have gone through.

Basically if you have ever heard the term “Cycle of Violence” it means that there are stages that a bad relationship goes through.

Now, everybody has problems and no couple is perfect. But, when a couple cannot cope with their problems without resorting to threats, assault or battery, you have a domestic violence situation. It’s one thing to disagree and argue. It’s another thing to level threats, lay your hands on somebody and attempt to hurt them.

After the initial incident or attack, the abuser will often be remorseful and apologize. However, the underlying problems generally are still there and unaddressed, which means there is often another flare up, then another period of remorse, followed by another apology and if the couple doesn’t address their problem the cycle will just continue.

However, it will get worse.

Because in some ways, some abusers are like drug addicts. They need bigger and bigger doses of their fix to get the same kick out of it. Which means that what started as an argument may get worse the next time around. Maybe the next time, furniture will get overturned or thrown around. Then, somebody lays their hands on their spouse and it may come to blows.

I know of one victim who was beaten up and thrown down a flight of stairs, while she was pregnant with the abuser’s child.

And a lot of people don’t understand why victims keep going back.

The answer is simple.

Often, the victim is in love with the abuser and hopes and prays that he or she will change. But, that seldom happens. The situation just keeps getting worse and worse. On a regular basis, people get arrested for domestic assault and domestic battery in Logan County. On an almost daily basis, a victim goes to Logan County Magistrate Court to get a restraining order or a domestic violence petition to keep their abuser away from them.

There have been more than a dozen domestic violence arrests in Logan County in the past two months, which was pretty slow compared to other months.

There is some hope for the abused: The laws about domestic violence are changing.

I recently spoke with one of the assistant prosecutors about some of these changes and what they will entail. The criminal justice system is working at overcoming obstacles that were unseen so many years ago when the initial laws and regulations were passed.

If you have a domestic violence problem in your life, there is some help. You can get information and DVPs from Logan Magistrate Court. And crime victim’s advocate Jeannie Christian will be glad to assist you in any way she legally can. The Tug Valley Recovery Shelter is also available to take victims in to keep them out of the danger zone.